When I say ‘here’ I mean the first day of school holidays.
I’m sitting in my backyard with Spotify, playing some acoustics while doing things slowly.
I just finished a book I started five days ago, an unknown fast pace for me.
It’s 11:30am, the time when recess, morning tea (or playtime) usually finishes.
I haven’t even run yet, I haven’t left the house (truth be told, I haven’t even left my pyjamas).
Usually by this time of the day I’d have a few miles under my belt, breakfast and a couple of lessons on reading, writing and spelling already taught.
And do I feel lazy for having none of that done today?
There is a time to go fast and a time to go slow. This is my slow time. I need this to recharge.
Fulltime teacher in quite a demanding job, (ignore all the rubbish you hear about school teachers having it easy); fulltime runner hitting 160km per week and recently I’ve been chucking a bit of energy behind fundraising efforts for Community Living and Respite Services.
All great things in which I make the decision to be a part of. It’s just sucked a bit out of me lately.
Recently, I’ve been finding myself walking out the door, clapping my hands, pumping myself up and saying ‘come at me day’.
This is okay on big occasions on days when big things are happening, although I’ve found this is happening more and more regularly.
I enjoy all those things and they make me who I am. I’m not dropping any of them, I just need to develop better strategies to juggle them.
Hmmm, maybe juggle isn’t the word.
These things are not a chore for me that I’ve needed to keep juggling, they excite me and enrich my life.
Juggling those three things at the moment is a privilege.
I don’t want to present like I’m on my soapbox, having a sook about the business of my life, that isn’t what this is about.
It’s more me reflection, and I’m sitting on a park bench pondering, is this the best way, to be flat out all the time?
I’ve figured I can manage everything when everything is simmering at a 6 or 7 out of 10.
Running 6/10, work 6/10, fundraising 6/10, life/relationships 6/10.
Then I’m me and I’ve got enough energy to be me for the people who are closest to me and who deserve most to get the best of me.
When everything jumps to 9/10 that’s when I’m jumping out of bed and saying to myself, “it’s going to be good to get back in here tonight because that will mean you’ve survived and got everything done”.
This isn’t anywhere near the way I want to be spending my days and I’m glad I’ve had this realisation.
The thing that gets me is I’m a ‘yes’ man and I pride myself of pulling the juggling act off.
I’m also a Type A, or as another personality test calls it, a ‘Northie’.
I like getting stuff done and making my life, or the lives of others, better.
How can I contribute more, run faster or make more money? are often questions the voice in my head throws about.
From the outside it looks good, have fun at school teaching the next generation, go run fast around town, head to a fundraising dinner and be all up and about and that part of it is not just good but great.
But behind closed doors it ain’t so glamorous.
There’s a lot of being exhausted happening, like I’m rehearsing to be an extra as a zombie on The Walking Dead.
That could be a poor analogy, I’ve only watched a few episodes and didn’t persist with it, I got over the get chased by zombies, kill or escape from zombies, get chased by zombies, kill or escape from zombies storyline.
But hey, it must be working for them, who am I to slag it off, I’m sure the creators of that show have a bigger swimming pool than I do.
It’s like the running race.
Everyone watches the race when it looks easy and fun.
Not many people see the 5am jog on a freezing morning that makes that happen, only those closest to us see the full picture.
These holidays are about refreshing (oh, yes, and running in an Australian half marathon championships). Mindfulness is the latest buzzword that’s being thrown around and I’m going to explore and experiment.
It could be more than a buzzword for me though.
Yoga, meditation, reading and just switching a few things down on my agenda for the next few weeks and remembering every goal I have doesn’t need to be conquered by the end of winter.
I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for reading.
P.S: I’m fairly certain I’ll re-read this one day when I’ve got kids and be thinking, take me back to those days, as it has turned out they weren’t that busy after all.